Thursday, February 5, 2015

Jack and Red - editing manuscript

It's very cold this morning (-7 ) so I think a short walk is enough I just walked the half mile to the Mana Cafe. It was rather empty early so I could sit wherever I wanted.

Snowy tracks.
I've been working on the first edit to this manuscript. It takes longer to edit this than it did to write it. The first part needs the voice changed and some clean-up on the action. Most of the conversation I can keep, I think.

I'm not sure it it moves along fast enough. I'll have to save that for the second edit - for now.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Jack Pynesapp and Red: Part XXXIII

This is the thirty-third in a series of blogs chronicling an expedition into 'space' with Jack Pynesapp and his granddaughter Red. To read the entire story (with notes) please see the JackPynesapp web site: [ click here ]

[Today I'm checking out a new coffee shop; The Coffee Gallery in the strip mall on the corner of Sherman and Northport. This is about a mile walk from home which makes it a good destination when it's too snowy to ride bike.  Not as cozy as the Mana Cafe but that is a little too close to make a good walk. And the last time I was there (Mana) I was asked to wait to be seated. I turned around and walked out. Why? Because all I wanted was a cup of coffee and a place to sit and write. I can find that for myself, thank you. I know, pretty snippy. But like I said, this is a better distance for walking. ]

[I was so excited to see the train and now that it has come I feel a little let down (the same way Billy feels, I suspect.) Added to this is the difficulty in riding bike in the winter - with the snow and all. It all makes it hard to know where to continue. I think it's time to end part 1 of the story and begin another major part: book II?  ]

Part 33

Billy didn't stop in at Jack's house that day. He waited at the bridge for three hours in case the train showed up in it's "return run" like it had the day he'd ridden it so many years ago.  He didn't really expect it because, after all, JJ had taken the can lid with him. So maybe that was why the train didn't appear again. But he also didn't get a call from Mrs. Olsen so he had to assume that even if he would have had the milk can cover the train wouldn't have showed. There was something else controlling that. He decided to stop and see Mrs. Olsen on the way back to the city and ask her about the ticket stub again; to see if she'd found it or remembered where she'd put it. It had to be there somewhere because it was working it's magic. Finally he stood up, walked slowly back to the road, and got into his car and drove off. He didn't want to see Jack or JJ right now. He had a feeling that seeing Mrs. Olsen was more important.  

The train didn't come back again that day, or the next day, or the next day. Mrs. Olsen had promised to call Billy if it did. And Billy had promised to call Jack. 

The next day JJ stopped at Jacks after work. It was Monday and the first day of the new school year so Red was busy with soccer practice after school. She was already caught up in all the excitement of returning to school.

"I brought over the can lid." JJ said as he walked into Jacks workshop. "I thought you should have it here in case the train comes back.  Maybe you can hear it go by if you have the lid."

"I was thinking that too but I didn't know if you'd want to part with it."

"It's not doing me any good at my house. We're too far away to hear the train."

"Maybe it's not just a matter of hearing it." Jack suggested. "If it was, why wouldn't we have heard it when you were still living here. You had the lid all the time, you know."

"What are you saying?"

"Just that maybe the object - whatever it is - needs to be closer to where the train actually appears in order to make it visible (and audible) to us."

"Like in Mrs. Olsen's house?" JJ said.

"Like Mrs. Olsen's." Jack agreed."Her house is a lot closer to the tracks than ours."

"Did Mom even hear the train yesterday?" JJ asked. "I forgot to ask her."


"So that's why she had to ask us, isn't it? I was wondering about that."

"I know. That train was pretty quiet but I would've thought she'd at least hear the horn."

[Like I said, I'm having a hard time with this. I was going to start a new section but here I am still in the old one.   I'm not worried though because Red's back at school and doesn't have a lot of time to worry about this right now either. So meanwhile I will continue to update the draft for what I have so far, and put it into manuscript form.

We are planing a vacation trip to the southwest on Amtrak in March. I plan to work on the train part during this trip - you know like immersion in my subject sort of thing.

Meanwhile, I'm looking for people to proof read the first half of this manuscript .... ]